April 7, 2018
Eduardo Glen Mora
After some sobriety time, we thrive and feel everything is fine, and this is true for a bit, some call it the pink cloud and I believe it helps for a while to get us in a good momentum we can take advantage of to achieve things and to consolidate our recovery at that moment. As an addict, I know there is no such thing as completing our recovery or graduating in sobriety. I have to work every day for the rest of my life to stay clean and sober at the same time I have to keep myself humble to accept life the way it is.
There are moments when I lose my cool and react to other people sayings or doings. I take it personally and sometimes as it is built-in me, I feel I am better than others because I have managed to keep myself in recovery for over two years. So I go back to my old me, I don’t need to be under the influence to do that.
On my way to treatment, My daughter who is the one person that has always looked me in the eyes and call my bullshit turned to me and said ” Dad, can I ask you something?” I said yes, what is it? She said, ” Well now that you are going there, are you going to become an asshole? ” I’ve heard that when people get clean, they become picky and not exactly easy-going and, you well, are already kind of like that.”
I have a great wife that went through pretty severe and dark moments because of my addiction and still, stood by me. I still struggled and finally was able to listen and do as I was taught. Until then I surrendered and stopped trying to be in charge. That saved my life, I saved my life and that is the truth for all of us. But there is always people around us that walk this path together with us because they care. And even they can do very little to save us, to fix us, that is the reason why all this is worth it.
I have bad moments and go back to my old me, I try to blame things on others and put myself back as the victim. I try to manipulate things and get control. But today I have a program that pops a red flag for me so I can see what is going on and STOP before it’s too late. Before I lose everything, I have again.
And this is the struggle; this is the fight for me and others. We are not perfect; we are on our way to progress, sometimes every day, sometimes every hour, sometimes we do it. But we must never forget who we are; we shall always remember this is a lifetime project. This is my life, and I have to work on it ONE DAY AT A TIME.