May 10, 2018
Eduardo Glen Mora
How do I put my ego aside, I’ve learned in recovery that if the moment comes when I have to share something I should speak about myself. It is easier for others to let us in and listen when they don’t feel lectured. On the other side there is something in my mind telling me that I should not be using “I” or “me” words all the time. Some people in the fellowship say WE is the way the program works since it is the group that bring us back from hell.
The point is, whether it is right or wrong, I should only focus in being honest.
I know that besides the different backgrounds or situations, we came to recover in similar conditions. We all came defeated and asking for help.
When I decided to do something about my problem, I wanted to pick the best option. Right, like if I was shopping for something or I really had a choice. This was obviously me still trying to have control.
My first attempt was science, went to talk to a psychiatrist and my personal doctor. That didnt convinced me at all. AA came as the second option since I knew people in recovery for many years, and of course they were glad to help. I tried this and felt a little more confident but still was holding on to my own ideas. I manage to stay sober though for a couple of 30 days and a couple of almost 60 as well. Then I thought I needed something else and went to treatment.
One time, talking to my sponsor in AZ he asked what were my plans to keep my sobriety after treatment was over. He suggested that maybe after spending all that money I may want to protect that investment by giving it some regular maintenance service in AA wich is very cheap (actually a great deal comparing).
Therapy played an important role in this journey too. I was referred to by an old ex girlfriend who is a Psychologist and a strong opponent to 12 steps programs. She suggested me to go to therapy after my final and most painful relapse, arguing that this programs failed 90% of the time. So I started working with her colleague wich mentioned as well her professional distrust to the 12 steps methods but was interested in listening to what I thought had helped me in any way. This was key to help me accept her help and trust the approach that at the beginning didn’t work for me. She cared for what I had to say and I open my mind to what she had to give to me.
Later on she told me: “you already know I am not fond of the 12 steps programs. However, after all the time that we have been meeting I have to admit this: I don’t know what it is, or how it works but I can tell that you have changed and that somehow there is a change in your mindset so I propose we work together using what is best for you from what I have to give and what you get from AA”
We found the “golden nuggets” she said, lets keep looking for them with both approaches and I am sure you will succeed. She was right, and in my personal experience I couldn’t have done it without one of the two, even between them they dislike each other. I am not saying that AA converted a Shrink but I am glad she had the wisdom to see that I was getting something good from it and certainly helped me to finally let go of my resistance and accept all the help available for me, wherever it came from cause I needed it all.
It’s amazing how life can be so different and so the same all the time in the various stages of our development. There are many lessons learned and experience gained or acquired from them yet, always new experiences and opportunities that I appear like second chances.
At this point I am aware of my shortcomings and they allow me to appreciate and see them so I can learn something new. These are the times of many first times for me and for the people that surround me as my new life affects them differently than it did in the past. We are all related and now that I am working in being a better version of myself, I see that every time I get better I bring improvement to others as my actions affect them in a positive way.
There will always be challenges and this may bring the natural fear to the unknown and uncertainty from our own capabilities. Despite, there is no other way to go forward than to risk and adventure into new experiences and bigger and more complex. In the same token I don’t numb my senses because of that.
So here I am myself, in the company of others I share the world with, I need them to get where I am going but this time I care for all of us, not just me. I am are responsible of me and my sobriety, with that I am aware of the impact my actions and my sobriety affect others. We work together and become better together.
Today is a better day for my family, for my crew, for my friends and there is the “WE”.