The more time I am granted to stay sober, the better I understand why surrender is the first step into getting better. It took me 18 months to finally have that last drink/use and being able to keep myself in recovery for 30 months now. Acceptance is big, it is made of honesty, we have to be humble for it.

I fought my addiction all that time telling myself I honestly wanted to get sober. I went to meetings, shared, read and study every day and it wasn’t working. “AA must be wrong. My sponsor, people in the room, everyone was wrong. This is not for me, this doesn’t work.”

That was my story. I was doing everything right and still failing. Then, one day my mind stopped in a page I had read many times. But now it clicked, “Who wants to accept complete defeat”. In that moment I got it, I finally accepted that was my problem, I understood I was wrong, that I hadn’t done everything right. I was defeated, I couldn’t deny it anymore. Since then, I was able to work on myself, I kept quiet, listened and did as I was told. Everything started to work, I stopped failing.

I believe that for me, this is a program of continuous acceptance of my character defects, of my shortcomings, little defeats that humble me and take me to the winners side.

I no longer want to be right, I don’t want to have control. I accept life and try to grow by living life in life terms.

It is funny how we surrender in order to win. How we accept we are defeated by our addiction to be able to live life at its fullest. To grow as a person. To get well.