November 28, 2018
Eduardo Glen Mora
I have never considered material gifts as important unless given tome. I have been thinking a lot of them literally, because of the season. I was never good at taking the time to think of others enough to buy anybody a gift; of course, being so self-centered. But today, and thanks to my wife and daughter I believe I am at least trying to be better at it.
Separate from material gifts, I see in my present life a lot of them that have come with sobriety. I found them one by one as I progressed into this journey and new way of life.
The first one I acknowledged was desperation, maybe if not the most important this days, it is the one I shall never forget. However, as I moved on to grow spiritually, I discovered others and kept them as landmarks of the places I have been into along my recovery. Today, awareness is the one my life holds on to and gives me perspective.
As a human being I tend to expect the worse and the worst, I find myself hidden in corners of my heart and mind looking for others to fail or things to go wrong. I use to feel ashamed of it but in the present, knowing that it is only one of my many shortcomings; I am grateful that awareness allows me to detect it on time to stop and redirect my actions before I go to those places or to make amends when I don’t succeed to correct myself on time.
Sometimes I awake as the easygoing, humble person that wants a simple life and that is capable of seeing the good in it and accept what I have been granted, Others, I can’t receive what I have without feeling that I deserve more and more. Sometimes when this happens, I find that anxiety is still there and that I tend to look for material gain and recognition and personal gratification. But holding to awareness and letting it be the guide of my present, I can deal with them and repurpose as drive into productive behavior and service to others.
My human nature, has me always keeping count of everything, I count disappointments, failures, and anything that gives me an opportunity to blame life and others for what doesn’t go as I expect in my life. But awareness pops up with all the small little good things that I have and come every day into my life and shows me that, the good stays with us naturally as the bad it’s only us who are responsible for keeping it around.
I am thankful for the chance that I have every day to notice and accept what life is and the clarity to think, pause and do the best possible.