How many glasses slipped from my hand while I passed out alone in my apartment. All the memories from my last years drinking and using are very lonely. How is that in the search for brighter worlds I ended up in a sad and dark tiny place? In the search for happiness and success found sorrow and defeat. Here is when I utterly agree in the insanity of it all.
After the battle for sobriety, rebuilt comes slow and between setbacks and loss. In the journey of living sober, most people around see me in disbelief and very few with trust and encouragement,

It is easy to get confused and work searching to convince others of our change. This is dangerous because I will be disappointed and can fall back into my habits. This is a life I built for me and only me. Other appreciation is only a side reward of the main purpose which is to get my life back. Whether make amends is important if they result from this new life, they are not what will keep me sober.
After almost 5 years of sobriety, I could still find a moment when It won’t be hard to imagine myself drunk and high. Worst, enjoying it without a reason. I see then, that I am the same person and have to look around at my life and do the work I need to stay clean. This is a life that I build every day.
This reflection comes in a moment when I almost lost everything I built in the past 15 years. When I had finally achieved one more of my biggest dreams. A couple of months to turn 50 and with a great opportunity to grow professionally. It may be that to move on there must be some loss.

The fix is pretty basic: One Day At A Time.

Stay strong.